Comparison and postpartum anxiety

This weekend, I spent time with a mom whose baby was born the exact same day as mine. We swapped stories about sleep schedules, picky eating, first steps, and the never-ending laundry. There was laughter, real connection, and a comforting sense of “me too” that only another mom in the trenches can offer. I left feeling both seen and strangely unsettled.

Because here’s the truth I don’t want to admit: even in the safety of camaraderie, comparison crept in.

Her baby was more adventurous with foods. Mine more verbal. Hers slept through the night without fail. Mine regularly wakes me shouting “mamamamamama!”. It wasn’t about who was “better.” It wasn’t about judgment. But my anxious brain started building stories — quiet, sneaky ones — about what each difference might mean. Was her baby ahead developmentally? Am I not doing enough? What if something’s wrong and I just haven’t seen it yet?

This is what postpartum anxiety can look like. It’s not always obvious panic attacks or crying spells. Sometimes it’s a perfectly normal playdate that ends in a spiral of what-ifs and self-doubt. It’s seeing another mom’s journey and turning it into a measuring stick instead of a mirror.

Postpartum anxiety loves to catastrophize. It feeds on uncertainty and makes you believe that a missed milestone or a different temperament is a sign that something terrible is around the corner. It convinces you that every other mom knows something you don’t. That you’re already behind. That you’ve failed in some invisible, irreversible way.

But what I’m learning — slowly, and not easily — is that no two babies (even birthday twins!) unfold in the exact same way. And no two mothers do either. Development is not a race; it’s a rhythm. Some days you’ll dance in step with others. Some days you’ll feel out of sync. Both are okay.

If you’ve ever walked away from a mom hangout feeling more anxious than reassured, you’re not alone. If you’ve ever wished you could just stay present without your brain calculating differences, you’re not broken. You’re a mom doing your best, probably while carrying way more mental weight than anyone can see. Never forget how strong and capable you are (and check out our free printable affirmations to help!)

Let’s be gentler with ourselves. Let’s remember that connection doesn’t require comparison. And if your mind starts spinning stories after spending time with another mom — pause, breathe, and remind yourself: your baby is unfolding exactly as they are meant to, and so are you.

With love,

Katie