Facing Hard Places: How to Take Care of Yourself When Old Wounds Resurface
The other day, I was talking to a friend who was dreading going back to her IVF clinic. Months earlier, she had miscarried after an embryo transfer, and now the idea of returning brought back a flood of pain. She told me, “It’s like my body remembers before my mind even catches up.”
What she described is something many of us know: certain places or situations can stir up past hurts in a way that feels almost physical. Trauma doesn’t just live in our thoughts—it can live in our bodies. And when those memories are stirred, it’s easy to feel like we’re right back in the hardest moments of our lives.
So how do you care for yourself when you have to face a place or situation that reawakens an old wound?
1. Recognize What’s Happening
When painful memories are triggered, your body can react automatically—your heart races, your stomach knots, or you feel frozen. This doesn’t mean you’re “weak” or “backsliding.” It means your body is trying to protect you. Simply noticing and naming it—“This is my body remembering a painful time”—can take some of the fear out of the experience.
2. Anchor Yourself in the Present
When the past feels too close, grounding yourself in the here and now can help. Try:
Looking around and naming five things you see.
Taking slow, steady breaths and feeling your belly rise and fall.
Holding onto something comforting—a piece of jewelry, a soft scarf, or even a calming scent.
These small actions remind your body that while the memories are real, you are safe in this moment.
3. Create a Plan for Support
Walking into a difficult situation is easier when you don’t do it alone. You might bring a friend or partner with you, set up a call with someone who understands, or plan a comforting activity afterward. Giving yourself something steady to hold onto—whether it’s a person, a ritual, or even your favorite podcast on the way home—can make all the difference.
4. Make New Associations
Sometimes, revisiting a painful place can also be a chance to write a new chapter. Neuroscience shows that our brains can form new connections—meaning, over time, it is possible to shift how we experience certain places or moments. My friend decided to bring her partner along and wear a bracelet her sister gave her. Instead of walking in with only her grief, she walked in carrying love, support, and courage.
5. Be Gentle With Yourself
Most importantly, give yourself grace. If you cry, if your body shakes, if you need extra time—that’s okay. Healing doesn’t mean erasing what happened. It means learning to carry your story with tenderness. Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend: with kindness, patience, and care.
A Final Thought
If you’ve ever dreaded returning to a place where your heart was broken, you are not alone. While trauma leaves its mark, so does resilience. With awareness, support, and self-compassion, you can step back into those hard places—not the same as before, but stronger, carrying both the weight of your loss and the hope of what’s still possible
